[old blog entries]

Then, I Get Mushy Again.

[cue: song:Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang] ~>seryoso ito!

i am trying to tell myself, “Look for a new crush” -just because of my literary drought. hah! perhaps the very reason why i can’t find one is because i gonna use him to create poetry and find words out of my pathetic and empty existence, then, i find meaning in my life. you see, to have passion for writing but has little gift and less skill. my fifty-word-vocabulary is against it… and so is my non-human emotions[i think i even lack emotion – there’s only one i know, anger, angst].

looking back at my previous mushiness [i hate it but i liked it-the feeling i mean],
they were a great disappointment… one was a swell head, another did something that i totally disliked, another… hmmm, well, all of them like someone else. funny, in every crush i had, i know who they like and… that… i don’t know…. it doesn’t seem to hurt but i feel weird about it…

but now, when i least expect it.. there’s this feeling again. this SICK mushy feeling. i don’t relly know him but somehow… he could make me feel goosebumps all over. i am not sure.. if this really is.. that thing… i don’t know…. i am not even sure why i am writing here, i mean typing it here…

i hate being mushy but i can’t help it…
this is SICK.

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