Personal Reflections

Believe

“Hold on…
You are a student.
You are a writer.
You are a dancer.
You are a film-maker.
You are a woman.
You are a sister.
You are a daughter.
You are a child of God.
Your relationship with him is a small fraction of who you are.
 
We believe in you, so believe in yourself”

I had a conversation with a classmate who was in grief because of a failed relationship. At first, she was hesitant. I understood why. Though I have been friendly with her, we haven’t got to point where we are really comfortable to talk about very personal matters.

She eventually told me what’s bothering her.

I haven’t been in a romantic relationship. No one dared woo me. At times, I think that I am too unattractive to pique the interest of the opposite sex.
Logically, I am the wrong person to heed for relationship advice. I cannot tell them If-I-were-you’s because I have no idea how being hurt or betrayed to rejected felt. Telling them If-I-were-you’s when I haven’t felt that type of grief can be very insensitive.
The younger me would comment and give words of advice on how to react on certain situations that I haven’t experienced. I would tell them to move on and forget the person as if it is the easiest thing to do. I would roll my eyes on females bawling over a guy who had caused them misery and tell them to suck it in, they are not worth it anyway. I would base my reaction to what the forlorn lover would tell me, hoping that the mere knowledge of the person’s weaknesses would appease the grieving.
I forgot to think of the possibility that the person actually felt love even in the most immature manner. They were willing to accept that person in their entirety-flaws and all.
The best way to comfort the person hurting is to listen. Do not comment much on that person loved even if they have hurt them most especially if you don’t really know that person. It is better to give them words of encouragement that ending a relationship is not the end of their world.
What they need is empowerment – that they can rise above the sorrow. They should not be forced to move on. Everyone can pass through this pain in their own pace. It takes time. But make them know that they can move on.
“It’s okay to binge
It’s okay to cry about it
but after all these things, 
stand up and say, I can move on…
…and I have moved on.”
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