Prior to the completion of this blog entry, I tried two times to write a piece on trying to move forward from a very low point in my life. The first one was entitled “Resurrection,” and the other, is “On My Feet.”
While the first titles seem to possess a very positive outlook leaning towards “phoenix moment” where I rise above the ashes of brokenness, both attempts failed to be completed. Worse, both only remained titles.
I guess, it is a bit symbolic, The latter title seemed to picture me to be already stable and good to go. However, that is not completely true. Sure, I have been worked on my personal website and have been constantly painting to keep the energy from flowing but it is far from being really on my feet. I am still latched to my family members for support – in all aspects of my life.
As for the earlier title, it was generally geared towards bring back to life this weblog. For now, I continue to struggle with composing my thoughts and translating them to print. Several weeks after I thought of writing about my attempt to “Resurrect” myself, my brain remained blank.
After weeks of reflecting, I noticed how I seem to be in a hurry to bring myself back into shape. To begin with, I never had confidence in my writing even before my one year shut-in mode. In that depressed period, I have dug a hole and bury myself in it. It takes some time to pull myself up.
Some people may have a complete turn around in an instant, but that is not the same for me, or even, for others like me. We must learn to take logical steps, one at a time to reach the point where we are completely ready to go for our goals.
In my case, I went back to the checklist of what I want to happen and slowly try to things crossed out. Patience is crucial. I am know myself for being impatient but this is the value that I need to learn in order to be more resilient.
For now, my website/portfolio is 80-90% complete. I have been trying to make myself and my art visible through Instagram. I am using Twitter to convey small pieces of my thoughts. And I have completed an entry in the personal online journal.
Yes, take one step at a time .. until I really get back on my feet.