16-31 October 2016
I get bored quite fast. Sometimes, doing the same old things over and over can cause me to get burned out. Having strict parameters or guidelines on how to do things can make it worse. I like to maintain a certain order in my life. But I find myself getting choked with rigid structures – as if they are walls that slowly close in on me that I want to get out fast.
I don’t mean to start this with such a low note. However, the third week of the past month seemed to have turned to a quite a drag. Keeping up with the demands of my day job left me mentally (and artistically) drained to create compelling or more thought-provoking pieces. The struggle between feeding my muse and considering my survival is something I face daily but this time it really has worn me down. I am just doing quick ink sketches yet I feel that I stuck with mediocre concepts and thoughts. Until now, I continue to yearn to be able to get back to painting with watercolors.
I did not give up on the challenge. I wasn’t as consistent as the previous weeks, but I still keep trying.
I battled against the constant need to put up something with depth. Trying so hard leaves out the soul of the artwork. It feels to contrived and impersonal. While I aim to create art to reach out, educate and/or heal, I still recognize that art is a way to translate one’s emotions and expressions in paper.
Somehow, doing so left me conflicted that I couldn’t bring myself to write about my process in the past weeks.
I still posted my Inktober sketches in Instagram. However, as I scroll through all the pieces, I can’t help but to feel disappointment. I started relatively well. What happened?
From inspirational concepts, I ended with a creepy looking doll, cats and something derived from a pop song.
I couldn’t bring myself to do the final piece as I was hoping that I can end the challenge with a more complex piece of work. I attempted several times but what I could come up just won’t do.
I started the challenge hoping that it could refresh my mind just like what it did a year ago. The last thing I want to be a disgruntled pseudo-artist.
I am still keeping my hopes up. This hump will soon pass.